After my mother passed away I did not have the strength to sell her condominium. I did not even have the heart to pass by her place. I tried to avoid getting more upset. Knowing that she would not be there anymore made me postpone anything related with her belongings or assets. For months and months I was not able to go there.
When her neighbour’s announced us there was a problem with her kitchen sink, I asked my husband to take care of it. He had to find a plumber and then a Faucet Repair Toronto to replace the older one who broke. Until recently I did not enter her place. And when that happened, I started to cried as soon as I opened the door.
The radio was turned on, as if she was still there. For a second or two my mind made me believe that she was alive. I expected to see her baking goodies in the kitchen or hear her voice. None of that happened. She was gone for good. The air inside the house smelled a bit of her favorite fragrance. She loved Thierry Mugler’s Angel.
All of the sudden I felt overwhelmed. I needed to sit down. I collapsed on one of the futons and sobbed there in silence for more than half an hour. More I looked around me; more tears ran down my cheeks. Everything reminded me of her. I was in her sanctuary!
A few moments later my phone rang. It was my daughter. I had to answer because otherwise she would have rushed to my rescue. She knew where I was and wanted to ensure I was fine.
Once I finished the call, I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. I found myself crying again and talking to her.
The fact she had died so unexpectedly had left us grieving. I wished I had spent more time with her, at least in her final days. I am having so many regrets. There are so many things I did not get a chance to share with her. The most painful regret was that I never told her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated her help.
Ever since I lost her, there is not a single day that passes by, when I don’t think of her. She is always on my mind. I wish I could have changed some of things that happened between us. I wish I could turn back time and go back to the days when we went to France together. That’s probably the only time when we were fully honest with each other.